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Picking Barack Obama's running mate
The Field Negro | Posted May 17, 2008 1:25 AMNow that the "O" man has pretty much wrapped up the dumbocratic nomination to run for president of these divided states, the field would like to help him pick his running mate.
This is very important for a presidential candidate to have . A second fiddle who knows his or her place, but still can get their shine on if they have to. Think Robin to Batman, or The Pips to Gladys Knight.
So I was thinking.... who should the "O" man select? Forget Hillary, she is history, and the rethuglican base will be fired up enough at having the "O" man run. So let's see now; how about Indiana Senator, Evan Bayh? He seems to have the youth thing down pat, he is from the Midwest, and he is a white male. All good qualities to help the "O" man lock up a block of voters that he has been struggling with. But then, if he is going to go the white male route, he might as well go all the way and select a Southern white male as his number two man. Jim Webb for instance. Great military credentials, Southern, and certainly middle of the road. And while we are in that neighborhood, I thought of the highly respected Sam Nunn as well. Talk about gravitas. Still, I don't know, something seems to be missing....
Of course lots of women will be pissed at the "O" man for beating their girl, so he might want to go hard after the female vote. If he goes that route, he should consider Claire McCaskill, Senator from Missouri. And hey, if he really wants to be the unity candidate, he could reach across the isle and choose rethuglican Chuck Hagel as his number two man. The guy also has strong military credentials, (gotta have those military credentials) and he is a white male. (I know I keep going back to that white male vote, but let's be honest...the "O" man needs all the help he can get with this group) And speaking of white males, the "O" man got a major endorsement from John Edwards today, and this has quite a few people hinting at a "O" man Edwards ticket. Interesting but not a sure fire formula for an "O" man victory.
Folks, allow me to give you the secret weapon that will win it for the "O" man: His name is Uno. (The one word name thing is cool. Think Bono and Prince) Yes Uno. Don't laugh I am being dead serious. The "O" man wants to be ground breaking this election season, and what better way to break totally out of the box than to select Uno.
Think about it. He is extremely popular with a certain demographic, so he would help the "O" man with that very important group. Who could resist voting for the "O" man if he has the very cute and cuddly Uno on the ticket? And please don't give me the he is not smart enough speech, just because he is a dog. Hell how smart do you need to be to do this job? I give you two names: Dan Quayle and Dick Cheney, that's all you need to know.
Uno is also fairly young, even in dog years, so I think he would last for the length of the "O" man's terms. And think of the inauguration. You could finance the entire thing by reaching out to sponsors like Kibbles n Bits, and Pet Smart.
Folks, let's be honest, politics has already gone to the dogs, so why not get an actual dog involved with the process?
"O" man, I say go for it. They are already calling you a monkey, so you might as well stay with the animal theme. Just think of all the cute T-shirts A-merry-cans will have to wear.
Wain Bennett is a practicing attorney in Philadelphia who blogs at The Field Negro.
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