Good parenting can help reduce childhood violence

I was driving home from an appointment recently and noticed approximately 20 elementary school children gathering in the street. Stopping the car to inquire what was happening, I witnessed two young boys taking off their belts. Immediately I realized they were going to fight.

Shouting into the crowd I told the children to go home. The group ignored me. Advising them to go home again, I threatened to telephone the police. This comment only produced irritating looks from the children. I dialed 911 and reported that a group of elementary students were gathered, ready to witness a fight, indicating I had asked them to go home to no avail. The dispatcher inquired if I had seen any weapons. I reported I had not and had seen only belts, and the dispatcher said the police were on their way. Shouting to the group one last time, I told the children the police were on their way and they had one last chance to leave. Unfortunately only a few kids responded and started home.

The scene was disturbing, yet I can say no one was shot or beaten up. The violence against children reported this year is heart breaking. It is time to stop and analyze what is happening with our youth.

Watching Good Morning America recently, I saw a report suggesting that successful people had structured lives when growing up. Examining my own childhood, I realize this is true. One of my parents was with me most of the time when I was out of the house. During my teenage years when I had a little more freedom, one of them would take me where I was going and pick me up. If my parents were not supervising, then another familiar adult was. My family ate breakfast and dinner together. It was the time we had family discussion. We were encouraged to share what was happening in our lives. My father was the little league coach and my mother volunteered with the Girl Scouts. My sister and I took dance classes and my brother took gymnastics.

With modern variation, I  followed the example set by my parents when raising my son. I had a career that was limited until my son was older. I worked full time but had breakfast and dinner with my family. I searched and found a wonderful babysitter whose family values were the same as ours. My entire family was involved in childcare and that was encouraged. My son was growing up with not only mom and dad but granddad, grandma, uncles and aunts. Later my son played baseball, hockey and soccer. I was the score keeper for the baseball and soccer team. They were family sports. He took piano lessons and was in a musical ensemble. Then there was the acting and modeling.

In reflection, all of the children in my family were encouraged to participate in extra-curricular activities. Keep children busy and there is little energy or time to get into trouble.

Establish house rules and do so early. Children as early as seven months began to discover who is in charge. Parenting starts the day of birth and does not end. Children who know their parents care and are watching are less likely to seek attention somewhere else. In our family, their first job was to attend school and do their best. I was a participating parent with the Parent Teacher Association, completing that job only when my son graduated from college. Yes parents, you may join the Moms and Dads clubs at your child's university. There were chores to be completed and no door was allowed to be closed and locked. You could not bring anything into the household that was not purchased by household money.

I will say that opportunities to do wrong were present when I was growing up and they were there when my son was growing up. Early in life, we were stopped from participating in those activities because of the need to please our parents. Later in life we were stopped because we were able to reason it was the wrong thing to do. Parents should build confidence in their children by guiding them through structured problem solving at home. This will encourage appropriate problem solving away from home.

I have always said, "Parenting is the hardest job we do." Sadly, for some children, some parents are not working hard enough.