Top 10 lame excuses men make to justify violence against women

Since 1993, I have had the unique opportunity to lead or co-lead discussions with men about men's violence against women. I have been in the room with tens of thousands of men -- across racial and class lines and educational levels -- all over the world. I've worked with doctors, Marines, soldiers, cadets, police officers, Division I male athletes, men in youth detention centers, men in mandated battering intervention programs, fraternity members (white and non-white), and male administrators on college and university campuses. Aside from filmmaking and writing, engaging men in conversations around masculinity and gender and sexual violence prevention is what I do. I am passionate about it.

After 16 years of doing this work, I can just about predict the kind of things we men will say to avoid talking about the real issues. No matter where I am, the level of deflection and avoidance that takes place by my gender in sexual violence prevention workshops or in Q&A sessions have been very consistent over the years. Many men, not all, DEFLECT any focus on our negative attitudes and behaviors toward women back onto the women as if it is their problem. It is a way to avoid taking responsibility for our own actions. In other words, we blame women for our abusive behavior. Some of us deny that gender or sexual violence exists at all.

So after hearing excuse after excuse I have decided to compile my own "Top 10 List of Lame Excuses Men Make to Justify Violence Against Women."

Here they go:

10. Some women think you don't love them if you don't hit them.

1. She made me do it.

Simply put, there are no excuses. It is not okay for men to abuse women. If you are a man reading this, now is your opportunity to make a difference. Be a responsible man and tell the boys or men in your life that men who hit women are not cool. And please practice what you preach, because the young boys in your life are watching and learning from you.

Finally, if you are a man and you want to learn more about how you can get involved in the effort to reduce men's violence against women, please visit www.acalltomen.org and www.sportinsociety.org/mvp. Feel free to FORWARD this message to every person you know, especially men.

And I'm excited to announce that you can check out my brother Kevin Powell on Oprah today (March 19) as he discusses this very issue! Check your local listings for times.